Dating Tips

Type: Single
Date: 2004

----

Dating Tips

Intro
E    E/A      E/G#    E
E    E/A
G#m7People Often Ask Me - "Godforbid", They Say
                              N.c.
"You're Quite The Ladies Man, What's Your Secret?" (Heh Heh Heh...)
Well...

Chorus
G#       YA#mou Too Can Be SwC#imming In Women!
D#6Afloat D#In SeG#as Of OvarieA#ms, But More ImpoC#rtantly -    D#6​
D#Knowing Whether BG#ehind Those Pretty EyA#mes You Have A DiaC#mond In The Rough (Ooh!)D#6​
D#Or Colored CG#ontact Lenses And A RoA#mugh !%&@$* *$#%!@ NamC#ed Diamond       D#6       D#​

Verse 1
Let's G#Recreate The SceA#mne, Make Believe You're AtC# A Table Seat TalD#6king PlayD#fully To TG#he Waitress  A#m​
At Your C#Local Place To Eat
D#6Way Beneath TheD# Apron, MaybellG#ine, Smell Of Eggs AA#mnd Cheese, Bacon GreaC#se, She's A Babe D#6- An 8 At LD#east
G#You Want To Push The PlA#mate Of Quesadillas OfC#f The Table And SprD#6ead Them AngeD#l's Wings
G#But You Can't SA#may A Thing? (Hmm?)
C#     If You Don't Do WD#6ell With WoD#men, They Sell PrescrG#iption Drugs On TeleA#mvision
May C#Cause Loss Of ApD#6petite, MaD#lnutriG#tion; Dizzy SpelA#mls And Different BellsC# Were Ringing
D#6And That's Where ID# Come InG# And Give 'Em A Little ExtA#mra Help To Gem 'Em! C#(Hey!)    D#6       D#​

Chorus
(You Can't G#Get) You See, Confidence IA#ms The Key When Entering AnC#y Situation       D#6       D#​
(In Her G#Pants) We All Have InsecA#murities, So Why NoC#t Build Your ConD#6fidence On TD#he
Insecurities Of Others?
(But You G#Don't)    A#m       HeC#y, She's Gonna !&*D#6%$@ SomeD#body
(Give A G#Damn) So WA#mhy Not YoC#u?      D#6       D#​

Verse 2
G#The Drunker You Are, The EA#masier It Is To Get LaC#id, But The HarD#6der It Is TD#o @$&@$*
G#You May Have To PA#micture What It IsC# This Month
D#6Whoever You've BD#een Thinking Of - ThG#e Girl At The PizA#mza Hut, Midgets, NunsC#,
Whatever D#6Little Miss ID#t Was
And G#With A Little Hard Work, AA#m Little Luck, If You HaC#ven't Given Up,
Maybe D#6You Can Get D#It Up!
G#Now A !$@% Is SA#mupposed To Be Fun - InC#stant GratificatD#6ion, A RollD#ercoaster
G#But No One Wants To GA#met Stuck Over And OvC#er Going HomD#6e To The RollD#ercoaster
G#   It's Hard To WA#match Your ShC#ows And Do Your HomD#6ework
D#And When TG#he Ride You Rode Is OvA#mer, It'll Cost MorC#e Than A RollD#6 Of QuartD#ers

Chorus
(You Can't G#Get) So Pull Out -A#m      I KnC#ow How Warm And GooD#6d It FeelD#s,
(In Her G#Pants) But It's Getting CA#mrowded 'Round Here - PlC#ease, PulD#6l Out D#​
(But You G#Don't) If It's Not The OA#mne You Want To Stay With, YC#ou Can Avoid The
D#6Face     D#​
(Give A G#Damn) But Not The Abbreviation Taking PA#mayments From Your PaC#ycheck
You Can Do It, D#6Pull Out   D#​

Verse 3
G#Men Have What I CA#mall A Columbus CoC#mplex
Other D#6People May Have BD#een There, G#But We Still Want To FeeA#ml Like We DiscoveC#red It
D#6So Don't Tell TD#he Number That You DoG#ne It With Your SumA#mmers In Columbia WhenC# You
Were Young And D#6Did A Bunch Of DD#umber @$*!
G#   Rambunctious KA#mids, Wait For The SeC#cond Date To CufD#6f The WrisD#ts
G#Sponges, Rubber GA#mloves, And Whips, OC#ven Mitts
D#6Now, A Well TD#rimmed PersoG#nal Area - That's NicA#me, But Why's She C#So Ready?
D#6You Don't SupD#pose That ShG#e Never Knows WheA#mn She Might ShowC# Somebody?
D#6Now Think D#Of That BefoG#re You Go SteA#mady Or Maybe At YC#our Own WeddiD#6ng         D#​

Chorus
(You Can't G#Get) If She's Your Girlfriend, LA#meave Her Alone With Your FrC#iends       D#6       D#​
(In Her G#Pants) Now, I Don't Expect No Virgin, But Let 'Em TA#mry To Screw Her
If She's C#Flirting Or She @D#6$%*&! @#!%D#&*, Then It Won't Work Man
(But You G#Don't) Get Rid Of Her And GA#met Yourself A NeC#w Girlfriend        D#6       D#​
(Give A G#Damn) Remember The Currency Exchange Rate -
A#mAt This Party She's An 8C#, At The Club A D#67      D#​
At G#My Apartment A 10; EA#mnviroment DictC#ates
The D#6Morning After, SD#he May SlG#ip To A 3
A#m'Cause Some Things Are BC#etter Just To LuD#6st For D#​

Outro
(This ConG#cludes The Introductory SA#megment Of The GodforbiC#d Self-Help CollectiD#6on)    D#​
Hey, G#Sleep With Other Races!A#m Help Out InC#ternational RelatD#6ions!  D#​
(G#For Further Behavioural IA#mnstructions, Consult ThC#e Nearest Strip Club AndD#6/Or LiquD#or Store;
G#  Thank You,A#m And Enjoy YoC#urself)     D#6       D#​
G#If It's Not The OA#mne You Want, JuC#st Let It Go D#6       D#​
G#If It's Not The OA#mne You Want, JuC#st Let It Go D#6       D#​
G#If It's Not The OA#mne You Want, JuC#st Let It Go D#6       D#​
G#If It's Not The OA#mne You Want, JuC#st Let It Go.D#6..     D#​