Dating Tips

Type: Single
Date: 2004

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Dating Tips

Intro
C    C/F      C/E    C
C    C/F
Em7People Often Ask Me - "Godforbid", They Say
                              N.c.
"You're Quite The Ladies Man, What's Your Secret?" (Heh Heh Heh...)
Well...

Chorus
E       F#mYou Too Can Be SAwimming In Women!
B6AfloatB In ESeas Of OvaF#mries, But More IAmportantly -B6​
BKnowing Whether EBehind Those Pretty F#mEyes You Have A DAiamond In The Rough (OoB6h!)
BOr Colored EContact Lenses And A F#mRough !%&@$* *$#%!@ NAamed Diamond    B6      B​

Verse 1
Let's ERecreate The ScF#mene, Make Believe You're AAt A Table Seat TB6alking PBlayfully ETo The WaitrF#mess
At Your ALocal Place To Eat
B6Way Beneath ThBe Apron, MaybeElline, Smell Of EggF#ms And Cheese, Bacon GArease, She's A BB6abe - An 8B At Least
EYou Want To Push The PF#mlate Of Quesadillas OAff The Table And SB6pread Them ABngel's Wings
EBut You Can't F#mSay A Thing? (Hmm?)
A     If You Don't Do B6Well With BWomen, They Sell PreEscription Drugs On F#mTelevision
May ACause Loss Of AB6ppetite, BMalnuEtrition; Dizzy F#mSpells And Different BAells Were Ringing
B6And That's Where BI Come EIn And Give 'Em A Little F#mExtra Help To Gem 'EAm! (Hey!)B6      B​

Chorus
(You Can't EGet) You See, Confidence F#mIs The Key When Entering AAny Situation     B6      B​
(In Her EPants) We All Have InseF#mcurities, So Why NAot Build Your CB6onfidence OBn The
Insecurities Of Others?
(But You EDon't)   F#m        HAey, She's Gonna !B6&*%$@ SBomebody
(Give A EDamn) So F#mWhy Not YAou?    B6      B​

Verse 2
EThe Drunker You Are, The F#mEasier It Is To Get LAaid, But The HB6arder It IBs To @$&@$*
EYou May Have To F#mPicture What It IAs This Month
B6Whoever You've BBeen Thinking Of - EThe Girl At The F#mPizza Hut, Midgets, NAuns,
Whatever B6Little Miss BIt Was
And EWith A Little Hard Work, F#mA Little Luck, If You HAaven't Given Up,
Maybe B6You Can GetB It Up!
ENow A !$@% Is F#mSupposed To Be Fun - IAnstant GratificB6ation, A RBollercoaster
EBut No One Wants To F#mGet Stuck Over And OAver Going HB6ome To The RBollercoaster
E   It's Hard To F#mWatch Your SAhows And Do Your HB6omework
BAnd When EThe Ride You Rode Is F#mOver, It'll Cost MAore Than A RB6oll Of QBuarters

Chorus
(You Can't EGet) So Pull Out F#m-      I KAnow How Warm And GB6ood It FBeels,
(In Her EPants) But It's Getting F#mCrowded 'Round Here - PAlease, PB6ull OBut
(But You EDon't) If It's Not The F#mOne You Want To Stay With, AYou Can Avoid The
B6Face    B​
(Give A EDamn) But Not The Abbreviation Taking F#mPayments From Your PAaycheck
You Can Do It, B6Pull Out  B​

Verse 3
EMen Have What I F#mCall A Columbus CAomplex
Other B6People May Have BBeen ThereE, But We Still Want To F#mFeel Like We DiscAovered It
B6So Don't Tell BThe Number That You EDone It With Your F#mSummers In Columbia WAhen You
Were Young And B6Did A Bunch Of BDumber @$*!
E   Rambunctious F#mKids, Wait For The SAecond Date To CB6uff The WBrists
ESponges, Rubber F#mGloves, And Whips, AOven Mitts
B6Now, A Well BTrimmed PerEsonal Area - That's F#mNice, But Why's SAhe So Ready?
B6You Don't SuBppose That EShe Never Knows F#mWhen She Might SAhow Somebody?
B6Now ThinkB Of That BeEfore You Go F#mSteady Or Maybe AAt Your Own WB6edding    B​

Chorus
(You Can't EGet) If She's Your Girlfriend, F#mLeave Her Alone With Your FAriends     B6      B​
(In Her EPants) Now, I Don't Expect No Virgin, But Let 'Em F#mTry To Screw Her
If She's AFlirting Or She B6@$%*&! @#B!%&*, Then It Won't Work Man
(But You EDon't) Get Rid Of Her And F#mGet Yourself A NAew Girlfriend      B6      B​
(Give A EDamn) Remember The Currency Exchange Rate -
F#mAt This Party She's An 8A, At The Club AB6 7    B​
At EMy Apartment A 10; F#mEnviroment DicAtates
The B6Morning After, BShe May ESlip To A 3
F#m'Cause Some Things Are BAetter Just To LB6ust FoBr

Outro
(This ConEcludes The Introductory F#mSegment Of The GodforbAid Self-Help CollecB6tion) B​
Hey, ESleep With Other RacesF#m! Help Out IAnternational RelB6ationsB!
(EFor Further Behavioural F#mInstructions, Consult TAhe Nearest Strip Club AB6nd/Or LBiquor Store;
E  Thank YouF#m, And Enjoy YAourself)   B6      B​
EIf It's Not The F#mOne You Want, JAust Let It GB6o     B​
EIf It's Not The F#mOne You Want, JAust Let It GB6o     B​
EIf It's Not The F#mOne You Want, JAust Let It GB6o     B​
EIf It's Not The F#mOne You Want, JAust Let It GB6o...  B​