IntroVerse 1There's A Pile Of Untouched GiftsUnderneath The Christmas TreeThere's A Cobweb On The MantleWhere Your Stocking Used To BeVerse 2As I Sit Here Broken-HeartedWeeping 'Neath The MistletoeHolding In My Hand A RingThat's Made Of 14-Karat GoldPre-Chorus 1And The Puppy Ate All Of The Sugar PlumsAnd He Threw Up All Over My LapAnd I'm Spending My Christmas Eve Scooping Up Little PiecesOf Sugar Plum Puppy CrapChorusAnd There's A Pile Of Unpaid Collection NoticesScattered All Over The FloorAnd It Doesn't Seem Like Christmas AnymoreVerse 3There's A Story In The NewsOf A Lady At The MallWho Was Senselessly AssaultedFor Some Stupid Hyped Up DollVerse 4And There's An Actor Playing SantaFor The Children On His KneeMaking Foolish Empty PromisesHe Knows He'll Never KeepPre-Chorus 2But He Has A Flask Full Of WhiskeyThat He Keeps In His Merry Ol' SackAnd He Takes A Little Swig Each TimeThe Manager Turns His BackChorus 2Because Santa's Nothing But An Overweight, UnderpaidWould-Be Thesbian WhoreAnd It Doesn't Seem Like Christmas AnymoreBridgeOh, Ho, Ho, HoMerry Christmas To AllAnd To All A GoodnightAnd To All Go To HellFrom The Blood-Cing Sound Of The Tired Ol' SongsTo The Ring-Ring'a-Ling Of The Cash Register BellTell 'Em Santa Won't Be Coming To TownBecause He's Turned Into An Emotional WreckFrom The Ungrateful Little Bastards That Sit On His LapTo The Blood-Sucking Parents That Sign All His ChecksChorus 3Christmas Is Nothing But A Big Pile Of Corporate DogshitTied Up In A Ribbon And Wrapped Up In An Old Time DecorAnd It Doesn't Seem Like Christmas AnymoreInterludePre-Chorus 3And The Children Are Screaming And FightingWhile The Radio Plays Kenny GAnd The Walmart Looks Like A BattlefieldAnd The Christmas Trees Are Covered With PeeChorus 4And Perry And Bing Have The Gall To SingOf The Golden Days Of YoreAnd It Doesn't Feel Like Christmas AnymoreNo, It Doesn't Feel Like Christmas AnymoreOutro
