Verse 1
I'm Callin' Out Flat-Earthers
But Not With The Typical Missives They Hit You With
I Got A Gripe With The Group But Unlike All Of You
I Am Irked By Their Lack Of Initiative
'Cause There's Mountains Of Evidence That Help Make It Clear
That Our Planet's A Shape And That Shape Is A Sphere
And I Fear That Insisting We've Already Won
Will Prevent Us From Doing What's Yet To Be Done
'Cause I Have A Dream And I Need You To Get With It
Earth Isn't Flat And If You, Too, Are Sick Of It
Chorus
Join Us, Help Us, Spread Thin And Overwhelmed But
The Earth Isn't Flat Yet And Damn Does That Compel Us
When There's No Way, Here's Our Will:
We Won't Die On This Hill
We're Not Flat-Earthers... We're Earth-Flatteners
We'll Get Much Further Than That Tin Foil Hat Of Yours
We Work All Day To Achieve The Great Flattening
A Pancake Shape Is A Bit More... Flattering!
Verse 2
There's No Subscription Fee, Neither Monthly Nor Annual
Just One Flat Rate And We'll Hand You The Manual
We'll Start With The Mountains 'Cause How Could We Not
When The Low-Hanging Fruit Is The Highest Of Rocks
Once We're Smooth As A Cue Ball We'll Need To Start Kneading
Then Plan The Next Steps At Our Quarterly Meeting
'Cause I Have A Dream And Now You're In The Thick Of It
Earth Isn't Flat And We're All Just Plain Sick Of It
Chorus
Join Us, Help Us, Make Coins And Coasters Jealous
The Earth Isn't Flat (Yeah, You Do Not Have To Tell Us)
When There's No Way, Here's Our Will:
We Won't Die On This Hill
We Work All Day To Achieve The Great Flattening
'Cause A Pancake Shape Is A Bit More... What Was It? Flattering!
Verse 3
Alright, First Meeting's In Session, Let's Do A Role Call
We Don't Actually Use The Word "Roll" Here, It's A Little Too... Spherical
Alright But We Gotta Have A Name
I'm Thinking Ball Busters The Way We're Bustin' This Ball
We Gotta Have A Motto, Let Me Think, How 'Bout: One Side Fits All!
Let's Pray To Smother Earth And Find Our Worth With F'in E's
Now Let's Get To Work And Pound The Dirt And See Who Still Believes In Flattering!
Bridge
And Faith Can Move Mountains But Damn, When I'm Done With 'Em
Moles Will Look Down On The Ground That's Become Of 'Em
Some Of Your Dreams Might Be Better Forgotten
But If You're Like Me And That's Never An Option...
Outro
Join Us, Help Us, We Employ The Overzealous
The Earth Isn't Flat But Our Dream Is Parallel-Less
Head To China, Grab Your Chisel, I Will Meet You In The Middle
We're Not Flat-Earthers, We're Earth-Flatteners...
And I Had A Dream, But Whether It's Happening
You All Believed And Damn Is It Flattering
