Type: Single
Date: 2004
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Dating Tips
Intro
People Often Ask Me - "Godforbid", They Say
N.c.
"You're Quite The Ladies Man, What's Your Secret?" (Heh Heh Heh...)
Well...
Chorus
You Too Can Be Swimming In Women!
Afloat In Seas Of Ovaries, But More Importantly -
Knowing Whether Behind Those Pretty Eyes You Have A Diamond In The Rough (Ooh!)
Or Colored Contact Lenses And A Rough !%&@$* *$#%!@ Named Diamond
Verse 1
Let's Recreate The Scene, Make Believe You're At A Table Seat Talking Playfully To The Waitress
At Your Local Place To Eat
Way Beneath The Apron, Maybelline, Smell Of Eggs And Cheese, Bacon Grease, She's A Babe - An 8 At Least
You Want To Push The Plate Of Quesadillas Off The Table And Spread Them Angel's Wings
But You Can't Say A Thing? (Hmm?)
If You Don't Do Well With Women, They Sell Prescription Drugs On Television
May Cause Loss Of Appetite, Malnutrition; Dizzy Spells And Different Bells Were Ringing
And That's Where I Come In And Give 'Em A Little Extra Help To Gem 'Em! (Hey!)
Chorus
(You Can't Get) You See, Confidence Is The Key When Entering Any Situation
(In Her Pants) We All Have Insecurities, So Why Not Build Your Confidence On The
Insecurities Of Others?
(But You Don't) Hey, She's Gonna !&*%$@ Somebody
(Give A Damn) So Why Not You?
Verse 2
The Drunker You Are, The Easier It Is To Get Laid, But The Harder It Is To @$&@$*
You May Have To Picture What It Is This Month
Whoever You've Been Thinking Of - The Girl At The Pizza Hut, Midgets, Nuns,
Whatever Little Miss It Was
And With A Little Hard Work, A Little Luck, If You Haven't Given Up,
Maybe You Can Get It Up!
Now A !$@% Is Supposed To Be Fun - Instant Gratification, A Rollercoaster
But No One Wants To Get Stuck Over And Over Going Home To The Rollercoaster
It's Hard To Watch Your Shows And Do Your Homework
And When The Ride You Rode Is Over, It'll Cost More Than A Roll Of Quarters
Chorus
(You Can't Get) So Pull Out - I Know How Warm And Good It Feels,
(In Her Pants) But It's Getting Crowded 'Round Here - Please, Pull Out
(But You Don't) If It's Not The One You Want To Stay With, You Can Avoid The
Face
(Give A Damn) But Not The Abbreviation Taking Payments From Your Paycheck
You Can Do It, Pull Out
Verse 3
Men Have What I Call A Columbus Complex
Other People May Have Been There, But We Still Want To Feel Like We Discovered It
So Don't Tell The Number That You Done It With Your Summers In Columbia When You
Were Young And Did A Bunch Of Dumber @$*!
Rambunctious Kids, Wait For The Second Date To Cuff The Wrists
Sponges, Rubber Gloves, And Whips, Oven Mitts
Now, A Well Trimmed Personal Area - That's Nice, But Why's She So Ready?
You Don't Suppose That She Never Knows When She Might Show Somebody?
Now Think Of That Before You Go Steady Or Maybe At Your Own Wedding
Chorus
(You Can't Get) If She's Your Girlfriend, Leave Her Alone With Your Friends
(In Her Pants) Now, I Don't Expect No Virgin, But Let 'Em Try To Screw Her
If She's Flirting Or She @$%*&! @#!%&*, Then It Won't Work Man
(But You Don't) Get Rid Of Her And Get Yourself A New Girlfriend
(Give A Damn) Remember The Currency Exchange Rate -
At This Party She's An 8, At The Club A 7
At My Apartment A 10; Enviroment Dictates
The Morning After, She May Slip To A 3
'Cause Some Things Are Better Just To Lust For
Outro
(This Concludes The Introductory Segment Of The Godforbid Self-Help Collection)
Hey, Sleep With Other Races! Help Out International Relations!
(For Further Behavioural Instructions, Consult The Nearest Strip Club And/Or Liquor Store;
Thank You, And Enjoy Yourself)
If It's Not The One You Want, Just Let It Go
If It's Not The One You Want, Just Let It Go
If It's Not The One You Want, Just Let It Go
If It's Not The One You Want, Just Let It Go...
