Verse 1
I Think I've Finally Done It, At Last It's Plain To See
A Letter From My Minister, Dear Lord, I'm Gonna Pee
The Seal Must Symbolize Me, A Brave Nude Guy
They Finally Think I'm Cool
Yes, Not Now, Don't Cry
Hello, Rev'rend Parris
See Now They Know My Name
It Is With Utmost Urgency
You Know Of Recent Claims
They Say That There Is Witchcraft Circling Our Great State
If You Cannot Defame Them Boston Doth Await
Boston Doth Await, Oh !
Chorus
Wuh-Uh-Oh
Can't Go Back To Boston
Wuh-Uh-Oh
'Cause It Sucked So Much
Wuh-Uh-Oh
I'll Save Salem From Sin
That's The Samuel Touch
That's The Samuel Touch
Verse 2
I Can't Go Back To Being The Punching Bag Of The Boston Ministry
Giving Sponge Baths To The Retired Reverends
Reverend Parris, The Whole Town Is Praying For You
Oh ? To Leave ! Oh
This Village Just Needs The Samuel Touch
Let's See What I Can Fix
Excuse Me, I Was Walking
Hey Ben ! How Have You Been
The Baby Won't Stop Crying
Allow Me To Tuck Them In
I Think She's Crying Harder
I'll Just Tuck In Tight
Hey Look At That, She's Quiet
Have A Lovely Night
Hello Local Lady
Hi
I'll Help You Cross The Street
Oh No, No
You Weight A Little More Than Me
Put Me Down You Deadbeat
Hey Charles ! A Bone For Your Pup
He Died Last Night
I'm Sorry For Your Loss
It's All Your Fault, You I Smite
Chorus
Wuh-Uh-Oh
I Want Them To Love Me
Wuh-Uh-Oh
Samuel Sucks So Much
Wuh-Uh-Oh
One Day They Won't Shove Me
That's The Samuel Touch
That's The Samuel Touch
Bridge
Hear Ye, Hear Ye
After Reading Your Feedback From The Compliment Box
It Seems You May Have Mistook It As A Complaint Box
As The Most Common Submissions Were Death Threaths And Yo Mama Jokes Directed At Me
You Also Wrote That Your Homes Are Chilly
So I'll Drag Around This Barrel Of Hot Coals To Every Door In Town
Please Note There Is A One Lump Per Household Maximum
Oh ! I've Dropped The Coals
Ooh I'm Sorry! Ooh, It's Hot, Hot! Ow! Outch
Yes, Step Around, Tap Around
Ooh, Tap Around The Coals
Oh Look At You, You're Very Talented
Have We Invented A New Dance Form? I Like It!
Back In Boston, The Clergy Bullies
Made Me Clean And Lick Every Floor
Back In Boston, Nobody Liked Me
Here In Salem I Might Be More
I Can't Let Rumors Run This Town
Or Back To Boston I'll Be Bound
Chorus
Wuh-Uh-Oh
At Last They All Love Me
Wuh-Uh-Oh
Our Feet Hurt So Much
Wuh-Uh-Oh
They Won't Get Rid Of Me
That's The Samuel Touch
That's The Samuel
That's The Samuel
That's The Samuel Touch
Outro
N.c.
I'm Touchin' You- Oh, I'm Sorry-What- What? We're Done? Okay.
