Intro
Verse 1
There's A Pile Of Untouched Gifts
Underneath The Christmas Tree
There's A Cobweb On The Mantle
Where Your Stocking Used To Be
Verse 2
As I Sit Here Broken-Hearted
Weeping 'Neath The Mistletoe
Holding In My Hand A Ring
That's Made Of 14-Karat Gold
Pre-Chorus 1
And The Puppy Ate All Of The Sugar Plums
And He Threw Up All Over My Lap
And I'm Spending My Christmas Eve Scooping Up Little Pieces
Of Sugar Plum Puppy Crap
Chorus
And There's A Pile Of Unpaid Collection Notices
Scattered All Over The Floor
And It Doesn't Seem Like Christmas Anymore
Verse 3
There's A Story In The News
Of A Lady At The Mall
Who Was Senselessly Assaulted
For Some Stupid Hyped Up Doll
Verse 4
And There's An Actor Playing Santa
For The Children On His Knee
Making Foolish Empty Promises
He Knows He'll Never Keep
Pre-Chorus 2
But He Has A Flask Full Of Whiskey
That He Keeps In His Merry Ol' Sack
And He Takes A Little Swig Each Time
The Manager Turns His Back
Chorus 2
Because Santa's Nothing But An Overweight, Underpaid
Would-Be Thesbian Whore
And It Doesn't Seem Like Christmas Anymore
Bridge
Oh, Ho, Ho, Ho
Merry Christmas To All
And To All A Goodnight
And To All Go To Hell
From The Blood-Cing Sound Of The Tired Ol' Songs
To The Ring-Ring'a-Ling Of The Cash Register Bell
Tell 'Em Santa Won't Be Coming To Town
Because He's Turned Into An Emotional Wreck
From The Ungrateful Little Bastards That Sit On His Lap
To The Blood-Sucking Parents That Sign All His Checks
Chorus 3
Christmas Is Nothing But A Big Pile Of Corporate Dogshit
Tied Up In A Ribbon And Wrapped Up In An Old Time Decor
And It Doesn't Seem Like Christmas Anymore
Interlude
Pre-Chorus 3
And The Children Are Screaming And Fighting
While The Radio Plays Kenny G
And The Walmart Looks Like A Battlefield
And The Christmas Trees Are Covered With Pee
Chorus 4
And Perry And Bing Have The Gall To Sing
Of The Golden Days Of Yore
And It Doesn't Feel Like Christmas Anymore
No, It Doesn't Feel Like Christmas Anymore
Outro
